Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Look Out, Cat!!! ™

Like all of us, dogs will get cabin fever when they’re stuck inside due to inclement weather. Ever resourceful, my first pack of dogs, Lyric, Chelsea and Holden, invented a game for a rainy day, although, really, it only requires that the dogs be in the house. Weather is incidental.

Since my packs have always overlapped, the game has been passed down through the generations in substantially its original form, and is enjoyed to this day by Levi and Rocky. This game has been played regularly by the pack for more than 25 years, which equals 175 dog years, making it a dog tradition as beloved by them as baseball is by us.

The game I speak of is “Look Out, Cat!!! ™”

This is a game for two or more dogs. I have seen single dogs attempting to play “Look Out, Cat!!! ™” and it’s as sad as watching an unpopular child playing a game of Monopoly ™by himself.

“Look Out, Cat!!! ™” is to be played in a house with as many levels and hiding places as possible. It is permissible for the dogs to quietly rearrange cushions, table cloths, or indeed any feature of the playing field as long as this modification is made no later than fifteen minutes before the game is to commence.

The other requirement for “Look Out, Cat!!! ™” is a cat. “Look Out, Cat!!! ™” is NOT a game intended for cats, however, and the cat is not properly to be considered a “player.” The cat will participate actively in each round of “Look Out, Cat!!! ™” but rarely will she consider it a game. This cat must be well integrated into the family pack, so that she has little or no distrust of the participating dogs. Bringing in stray cats to play “Look Out, Cat!!! ™” with your pack is expressly discouraged.

“Look Out, Cat!!! ™” is a game that can be played in single or multiple rounds. The game ends when the dogs can go outside again, or when the cat puts an end to things.

Prior to the start of a round of “Look Out, Cat!!! ™ all players are to be at ease, resting, in positions they have held for no less than 15 minutes. The game is best played when there are humans in the room.

Any player may commence play. This is done by establishing surreptitious eye contact with all other players. Pack status is not a factor in which dog initiates play. Once eye contact is established, the other player (or player to the immediate left of the initiating player, in games involving more than two dogs) has sixty seconds in which to declare, “Look Out, Cat!!!™.

Upon declaration of, “Look Out, Cat!!!™,” all players immediately charge the hopefully unsuspecting cat, baying, as they advance, “Look Out, Cat!!! ™”

If anyone were keeping score, points would be accumulated based on the disorder to the house caused by each round. Chairs knocked over, broken lamps, and glasses spilled, are all worth 20 points. If the kitchen table can be knocked over, this is known as a “Royale ™”, and is worth 100 points. The “Grand Slam ™” occurs when the pack manages to topple a human, and is worth 250 points, or 500 points if the human in question is blind or infirm. Since, however, “Look Out, Cat!!! ™ is a game solely for dogs, it is scoreless and, in large measure, pointless.

At no time in the game “Look Out, Cat!!! ™” may any player make physical contact with the cat. If contact should be made, the player who caused such contact will be declared a “Very Bad Dog ™” and the game will be immediately terminated, and the cat will no longer be responsible for her actions.

If the cat is cornered, the dogs may laugh at her, declaring in unison, “Look Out, Cat!!! ™.” The right of the cat to slap the dogs around in this eventuality is expressly reserved.

After each round of “Look Out, Cat!!! ™” all players return to their original, resting, positions. A resting period of anywhere from 15 minutes to 6 hours occurs between each round, depending upon how suspicious the cat involved might be. is in talks with a production company to begin filming a reality TV show version of “Look Out, Cat!!! ™.” It is anticipated that auditions will be held in major cities across the country, and packs not familiar with these official rules will not be eligible to participate or win prizes.  Please explain them to your dogs.

© 2009, All Rights Reserved, Rich Sands
Please share this blog with others.


Jaya said...

My nine cats are not at all sure they like the sounds of this game, which they, living with only one dog, had never heard of before. They did, however, very much enjoy the two photos of dogs getting tackled and kicked around by cats.

P.S. The 'word verification' I was asked to type out in order to post this comment was: warifyin. I quite like this and think I will start using it as a new word. It seems clear to me that it should be spoken with a southern accent, as in: "Ah ain't gonna be doin' all that warifyin' no more." It's the sort of thing a dog might think to himself if he were going to stop playing the Look Out, Cat! game.

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

Fortunately my dog does not play this game much, only if she thinks the cat is attacking me or sees our cats "attacking" each other. She's a very peacful dog and wants to keep the peace in our house.

Post a Comment